Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
