I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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