i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize