haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
