foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize