oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
