That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
