I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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