yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
