i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Two words: blizzard sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
