I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I love you. Go after that dick
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
