I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
