someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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