I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
