We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
