Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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