I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Your cock deserves a montage
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
