dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
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I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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