his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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