people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
