too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
