You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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