Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
