Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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