I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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