I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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