I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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