i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
