Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have so many feelings about this burrito