At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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