oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
