VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am available for nakedness
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
