I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
