At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
