I look better un-naked...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
