tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
