Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
