He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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