Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize