i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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