The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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