How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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