so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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