I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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