You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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