I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
