I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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