this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
