just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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