Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
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you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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