she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
