I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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