Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
