the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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