Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
