Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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