Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
