Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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