Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
