with your own penis?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think your dad took our porno
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
