I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
