just tell him i said nine months
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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