I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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