She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
