I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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