maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
