dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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