This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
