...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
