I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
