I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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