I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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