It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
