Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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