hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
